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It was spurned by a blog post that basically came out and said, "Breastfeeding moms: Why can't you cover up?" Actually, that was even the title of the post, verbatim.
Trust me, I see the bazillion different reasons why that title and the point of the post are just.so.wrong. I do. But this isn't about that post, or it's author (which is why I'm not linking or citing, because that's not what this is about). This is about the larger conversation about breastfeeding.
Honestly, it can't even always be called a conversation. Too often, it derails into heated, reactionary, emotional words that are hostile to all involved.
To all involved; including the ones speaking (or typing, as it were).
If we are going to make progress in the world of breastfeeding and give it a makeover, a la Best for Babes, the arguing and hostility has got to STOP.
It seems as though every time someone tweets something negative about breastfeeding, there are people standing ready to light the torches and throw up the Bat signal: come on, let's get 'em, unleash the fury of the lactivists!
I'm not seeing positive progress from it, are you?
And to be clear: I'm not using the term 'lactivist' in anything close to a derogatory manner. I, myself, am a lactivist.
I firmly believe in first giving the benefit of the doubt to those disparaging breastfeeding. I speak from experience: had you asked me even three years ago if I planned to breastfeed, I would've given you a staunch "hell no, that's gross!".
I have been the uninformed, poorly enculturated person uttering those words. I had no concept of their weight or implications; I only understood how they related to me and my situation.
Luckily, my feelings were met with respect, acceptance, and education. And that led to me breastfeeding.
If I'd been attacked and torn down for how I felt, I would have dug in further and written off breastfeeding all together. I would have not breastfed on principle, based on that kind of reaction.
Yes, there are those who say negative things about breastfeeding just to be inflammatory. I don't think I'm going to change the attitude of someone who's coming to the table with that intent, so I don't engage with them. Engaging is what they're after, and doing so only encourages the bad behavior.
But for those who speak from ignorance, misinformation, or both: we are doing the breastfeeding community at large a disservice by meeting them with hostility and negativity.
First, we need to band together in a positive way in order to promote our cause. Supporting each other should be our first step in supporting others. In-fighting never made progress for any group.
We must be open to the conversation about breastfeeding. The nonjudgmental, open, respectful conversation. If we can't have a civil discussion about it, we're certainly not going to convince anyone that they should support us and our cause. That means listening to some things that we probably don't want to hear ("breastfeeding is gross!" for instance), and not jumping the gun on a reactionary response.
That said, some will see our side and some won't. And that's ok, too. Every other mother in my family formula fed their babies, and yet we still manage to be friendly and even love one another! It's ok to agree to disagree, and it's completely possible to do so respectfully and even with acceptance for others' choices.
In light of all of this, I pledge to...
1...support the other members of the breastfeeding community.
2....support the right of every parent to choose how to feed their child without facing judgment or hostility.
3....behave in a manner that is civil and respectful toward others, promoting the education and understanding that will further this cause.
Are you with me?
36 comments:
On some levels I agree with you Amy. But at the same time, I don't think that you ever engaged in publicly shaming and insulting breastfeeding Mothers, threatening them with assault,arrest etc. So to use yourself as an example is a bit off-base.
There are some people out there, like you, that have mixed feelings and will post a question or state that they have mixed feelings. I have seen the Lactivist community respond kindly and informatively to those people. IN fact, that is how such people are pretty much always responded to. I have seen many of those people open their minds and learn and sometimes even become vocal breastfeeding supporters because of lactivists sharing information with them.
However, when someone clearly attacks/insults breastfeeding and the moms who do it, the correct response is not to mince words, it is to confront that hate and name it as what it is. If I see a person calling another person names, whether it is a person of colour on the bus, a larger bodied person in a restaurant, or a woman who is breastfeeding, I have ALWAYS, since I was a teenager, stood up and said "NO, You can NOT call that person a name, you are WRONG, STOP IT!" IF they persist in being hateful and derogatory I don't back down and try to sweetly convince them to "be nice". People with flaming crosses don't listen to "nice".
Someone like yourself who is uneducated doesn't merit a strong response, and someone who is intent on shaming and attacking doesn't merit a weak response. We do everyone a disservice when we confuse the two.
To clarify, I WAS uneducated about breastfeeding several years ago; that is no longer the case.
I am going to agree to disagree with you here, Cassaundra.
I believe that there is a time and a place to call out the wrong-doers of the world. And I'm certainly not arguing that we should just be nice to everyone, no matter what.
What I'm saying is that it's completely possible for this discourse to be carried out respectfully, even with those who don't offer it in return.
I believe that much of the so-called hate we see with regard to this is based on culture. It's not the norm, it's not what people grow up seeing as a familiar sight; it's foreign. What people do see is the over-sexualization of breasts. When they're so used to seeing them in one context, it's hard to place them in the other. I'm not saying it's ok or that it's right, I'm saying that I'm trying to understand the etiology.
Things aren't going to change until we do that. We can knock down as many haters as we can in a day, each and every day, and more will still appear. What will cause change in attitude and opinion on this is changing the culture around it and addressing the origin. That won't eliminate every incidence, but I believe it would go a long way.
Just as you said people with flaming crosses don't tend to be nice; they don't tend to be based in logical arguments, either. And that is why I choose not to engage with them and encourage others to do the same. Engaging with them not only encourages their bad behavior, it creates a spectacle of it. I'd rather focus my efforts on shining a light on the positive.
Well said, Amy. Well said!
Great post. I saw that today and was just shocked at how hostile people can be. Thanks for posting this and very well said.
Certainly, you can choose to sit idly by while someone trashes another person in public so as to avoid dealing with a situation that requires something from you that is more demanding than capitualtion. That is your choice. But that's not what you're talking about. You condemn those who do have the strength to stand up to them.
So, if you're riding the bus and the two white guys sitting across from you are laughing and calling the elderly black woman in the seat ahead of you a dumb n-----, you'll ignore them and hope that kind of behavious just "goes away"? Because there are too many haters you figure you'll just "let that go". Well, sure, that's your choice. Fine, but don't shame the woman behind you who does stand up and says "No, you do NOT call someone that name! Shut your mouths!" simply because she has more guts than you do.
You're denying everyone the right to defend what is right simply because you lack the conviction to back up your beliefs, either that, or your beliefs deep down aren't really against that kind of hate. Maybe you don't have any knowledge of how social change occurs. Because the truth is, it IS individuals standing up in their daily lives that makes the difference. It is in fact the actions of ordinary folk that rock the boat, that makes the difference. And it is the LACK of action on the part of people who value conformity and "niceness" and not rocking the boat that allows atrocities like segregation and the third reich to take hold and destroy.
There is no way to avoid the spectacle as you call it. The spectacle is already there! Ignoring it will NOT make it go away. It simply implies your acceptance. The people who grab every opportunity to push their agenda of hate depend on your refusal to confront them. Walking through a field of rotting corpses saying "I won't look! I'll look at this pretty flower, I won't look, I'll look at this pretty flower" is not shining a light on the positive, it's living in denial. Kissing Hitler's ass didn't stop World War Two, that's why we learn that Chamberlain was a fool. Churchhill was derided and called names and a peace-breaker because he wasn't "respectful" or diplomatic enough. but you know what? He was RIGHT.
@Cassaundra:
I'm not going to get into a pissing contest over this with you. Period.
In your last comment, you have said that I lack the conviction to back up my beliefs or that I'm not against hate.
I assure you, I both have the conviction and am against hate.
The difference is that I am willing to back up my beliefs with class. It's 100% possible to behave with class and still be firm and stand by one's convictions.
I'm not going to indulge the other facets of what you wrote in this forum. It would require a lengthy response, one that's not directly pertinent to this discussion.
Your accusatory and hostile tone is precisely the in-fighting I was referring to in this post. I'm here for respectful, productive discourse, and I'm not going to tolerate anything less.
~Amy
I don't know - I agree with you and I don't (isn't that what this is all about?). On the one hand I agree that insulting and mean comments are not appropriate. On the other hand, when someone is a published author on the topic they are discussing (i.e., an 'expert'), they should know that they are commenting on a controversial subject.
Perhaps it was done quickly and poorly worded, but this should have been addressed by the author when the comments started pouring in. Because of this and because the topic is just too important, the issue can't be overlooked.
Online, our words can be far reaching. From a health perspective, breastmilk is the best nutrition for babies, but cultural influences have hampered many women's ability to provide their babies with this milk. I don't think that anyone should judge women who don't breastfeed specifically, but rather there needs to be an ongoing examination of why society values sexual breasts over maternal ones.
So, while I agree that we should support the breastfeeding community (and the 'lactivists'), we should support a mother's right to choose and that we should be civil to one another, when someone posts inflammatory comments online that go against something as important as breastfeeding, those comments should be addressed.
I've been on the receiving end of hostility regarding breastfeeding vs formula feeding as you know. people who have told me I didn't try hard enough, that i was harming my child by giving them formula, etc. Those are the ones i call the lacti-nazi's. And those are the ones who enjoy engaging and continuing the fights. Positive outlooks, respect for decisions, and education are as you said, the only way to change minds and culture. Very well written post.
Well, since you have said NOTHING against any of the hate and stated that you will never confront someone who is hateful, than I don't think stating that you won't confront is out of line. It's simply repeating your own words. Calling other women who DO actually confront "classless" is incredibly CLASSIST of you and hostile and judgemental. It seems that the only comment that you have had is to deride the women who HAVE spoken out to defend breastfeeding and you haven't said anything in defense of breastfeeding yourself. This isn't a (as you so "classlessly" put it) a "pissing contest". This is you telling the women who DO defend breastfeeding to sit down and shut up. That isn't backing up your beliefs at all, whether with class or not. That is NOT being firm or standing by your convictions, that is in fact, working for the enemy. You aren't engaging in respectful or productive discourse. You are avoiding the discourse entirely and calling the women who ARE engaged in the discourse NAMES, REPEATEDLY.
If you want respect, speak to the people who are insulting and attacking breastfeeding mothers, because NOTHING that was written by a single breastfeeding defender today was anywhere near as disrespectful as what they were responding to, or as disrespectful as YOU have been.
My husband tends to say that once you bring Hitler into a current arguement, you've lost. I think calling people Nazis is taking it too far. Unless someone threatened to kill you or to lock you up in a formula-feeders concentration camp.
That said, I agree that people tend to shut down when they are attacked. I know I do, at least until I'm so secure enough in my position (usually after much study/time) that I can handle a debate. I think we need to remember that it is freedom of choice that needs to be protected.
I wouldn't attack a parent for giving their child formula over breast milk, any more than I would attack them for serving white bread over whole grain. One might be better, but that's where choice comes into play. And opinion. And instinct. Something women are always told to doubt.
I think this post is well written and is actually less about breastfeeding than it is about trying to listen and share.
Just because I do not share someone's feelings, does not mean they are inaccruate or even unchangable.
And to Cassaundra, I understand your anger. And I know that throughout history angry people have changed the world. As have some amazing pacificts and thinkers. In high school, we wrote an essay comparing the styles of Macolm X and MLK (righteous fury vs. redemptive understanding.) I still wonder what would have happened if they had found common ground from which to work.
*steps down from well-used soap box*
i'm with you.
well said.
@The Accidental Pharmacist: I totally agree! I'm not advocating ignorance at all. And I certainly support what you said about the author, being an expert, needing to choose her words more carefully (which she, herself, has now acknowledged) and to be sure she's publishing accurate info.
@BetterBabyBox: Well said. I agree, and you bring up an important point: I acknowledge and understand the anger that can come along with being passionate about a cause. I'm advocating harnessing that anger, though, and being thoughtful about the way we engage on the subject of something that is so dear to many of us. Thanks for bringing that up, I think it's important to validate the feelings that are being discussed here.
Right now i'm torn - I'm torn between not acknowledging the logicless arguments and anger spewing forth, vs actually defending the position even against the lack of logic.
The point is ENTIRELY being missed here - it has nothing to do with 'standing up' or 'backing down' or accusing people directly of being classless or otherwise.
The *ENTIRE* point of this post was to point out that fanatics in general have no logic, and are not worth arguing with. A TRUE discussion or debate should be just that. No name calling or accusations but a debate of ideas.
Listening to someone on a bus call another person a derogatory name has no basis is civil discussion or debate. There's no logic behind it. As for defending that person, sorry - a) personal safety becomes a real issue in situations like that and b) free speech gives those people the right to think and say what they want. What *YOU* consider right, is not right by their standards and who are you to say yours is the better decision.
The reason breastfeeding defense itself was not mentioned is because that was not the point of the post. It was only the topic that spawned it. The point of the post was to fascilitate active CIVIL discussion, and to foster understanding and acceptance of other ideas.
I wholeheartedly defend your right to think as you choose and believe what you do, just as i defend the right of others to do as they would. My rule is, do as you want but harm none. Unfortunately, you can't prevent offending some people as people just WANT to be offended, and that is just as irrational as trying to argue with a fanatic. And that is *JUST* what some women are - Fanatics. They Refuse to discuss alternatives, or understand why someone made the choice they did. There in lies the biggest issue.
To whoever said that Amy didn't get involved in the conversation today, or support breastfeeding--HUH? I count about a dozen tweets from her criticizing Sara's post and supporting NIP.
I was one of the first people commenting on the post and Tweeting in response to Sara. I stopped when the pile-on turned ugly, including one person on Twitter calling her a "hateful bitch". Sorry...that's classless.
And for the record, if I witnessed injustice taking place in real life, YES I would speak up. (Just as I did today). I would not call anyone a name. (Just as I didn't today). You can speak out passionately and still keep your wits and sense about you. And when you don't, IMO it just hurts your cause.
I wonder how this conversation always turns into mom vs. mom, formula vs. breast. As breastfeeding advocates (and I include Amy in this group), we are fighting to create an environment in which women who want to breastfeed CAN. The woman who started the Twitstorm said she only breastfed for a few weeks before quitting because it was too hard. How many of you remember week 2 of being home with your newborn? How hard was breastfeeding? How many times did you think about quitting? I was seriously committed to breastfeeding and thought about switching to formula ALL.THE.TIME. What made the difference for me was the support of my husband and encouragement from my mom. In any other family, they might have told me to just stop. I want to be the woman to hold another woman's hand and help her make it through, to carry her through to the other side, where breastfeeding becomes easy and wonderful. I think Amy's right that we have to be careful how we speak to mom's because they are automatically going to go on the defensive because this is a sensitive topic. We've also got to remember that in many ways, our cause is very elitist and that all of us who got to full-term breastfeeding are probably more than a little privileged.
Also, clever title. I think few people realize how hard a good title pun is. :D
I tried to respond to Sara on her post and on twitter with strong arguments, rather than name calling. I generally believe that is the better way to do things. I wish I felt it had made some difference.
Instead, I spent the afternoon feeling like I'd been slapped. I kept wondering, once again like I have many times before, how many women like Sara were sneering at me all those times when I did breastfeed in public without a cover.
It is very hard to stay calm in a situation where I feel like once again, like all through elementary and high school, the popular pretty blond girls are laughing and pointing and trying to tell me how to act.
I did stay calm. But I'm still fuming and I understand why others may not have stayed calm.
I skimmed through the post... this stuff makes me laugh.
Why can't we all just
2....support the right of every parent to choose how to feed their child without facing judgment or hostility.
Every day when I sign in on Twitter one of the first things I do is check the breastfeeding stream to see what's up. When I first started breastfeeding I got a lot of support from the women in that stream and that's how I obtained most of the people I follow/who follow me. I made a lot of friends and learned a lot. So now, I try to return the favor.
When I see something hateful or uneducated written about breastfeeding, my first instinct is to fly off the handle and jump down a person's throat. Instead I try to find out where that person is coming from and (as best as I can in 140 characters) shed some light on what's up. Sometimes this ends in harsh words, but more often than not this results in calm, respectful conversation where even if the person's mind isn't changed they can see more from my point of view.
I think it is ALWAYS important to address these comments, whether they be simply mildly misinformed or blatantly hateful, with the intention of educating people. There are new moms out there who could be reading what is going on and they need to see that we are not an intolerant group, but passionate enough to spread word.
I don't believe that one Twitter argument is going to change things, for better or for worse. I chose to breastfeed because it was the best thing for my baby, full stop. I think I am probably in the majority, since most moms try to initiate breastfeeding now, likely for similar reasons. While resorting to name-calling isn't the best option, I doubt that it will change anyone's opinions one way or the other at the end of the day.
I'm sure that there are people who have thought that I should have been more discreet when breastfeeding. Just as I am sure that there are people who thought that I shouldn't have worn those pants with that shirt, or made that choice while driving. I can live with that, as long as they are tolerant of my choice and respect my right to make it. Like you, I can agree to disagree, and continue to advocate for nursing moms respectfully and in the best way I know how.
Wonderfully stated. When my 1st baby was born I was like you, uneducated & uncultured about breastfeeding and thought, "Oh, no, not me!' However it was 180 degrees different by the time my second baby came & I had the benefit of meeting a breastfeeding woman who educated me about it without judging me for being a formula-feeding mother previously.
I agree 100% that all of the bickering is only dividing women & mothers and is not productive for either side of this issue. We need to be supportive of each other. You really don't know how or why someone feels the way they do until you have walked a mile in their shoes and therefore we should not judge one another for our decisions.
I consider myself to be a lactivist without judgement...I encourage all women to breastfeed their babies but I never judge a woman if she chooses otherwise. Who am I to decide what is right for another person?
We should never make a woman feel bad if she doesn't choose to breastfeed, nor should we judge a woman who feels perfectly comfortable breastfeeding without a cover. We need to support each other and stop all of this unproductive behaviour that only serves to divide women.
Anna
My mom always said that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I don't agree with much she says, but I have found this to be true.
The post in question was pretty silly, if you ask me; and as someone who is in the process of trying to get a book published, I was offended on a professional level - how the heck did these people get not one but TWO major publishing deals? Geesh. I certainly understand the anger people felt toward the writer's comments; I felt pretty pissed about it and I'm the freaking Fearless Formula Feeder. I mean, really.
But I think your commentary touches upon a much larger and more important issue... one that is dear to my heart, for obvious reasons. I think that often the (completely understandable) anger lactivists feel gets misdirected, and it is to their own detriment. The reality is that we live in an immature, sexually repressed culture. The US is still pretty puritanical (I live in CA, where the whole Prop 8 thing just went down... I mean if CA can't accept gay marriage, what does that say about our country as a whole?) and I don't think you can blame its citizens for acting in kind. Now, that doesn't mean you need to sit there and take it, but some comments deserve backlash, and others do not. It's pretty easy to tell ignorance from hate, I think. And I also think we need to be careful, as women, not to turn against other women until we absolutely need to. I was really offended by the Tweet that someone made the other day about using someone's mouth for oral sex rather than eating in response to the OP's comment that her breasts were "for her husband." I didn't see the original tweet, but frankly, that is her choice - if she views her breasts as sexual objects, then she has every right to feel that way - as long as she isn't telling me or anyone else that we have to feel the same way... you know?
Regardless - I really appreciate your post, and I love your three pledges. Thanks for having the bravery to say all of this!
I'm with "Wondermom" except that it's not a laugh; it's amusement only in the sense that I'm not sure why everyone is so upset about this. My perspective doesn't come from being uninformed or "uneducated" but from experience and an attitude of grace. I nursed all my 5 children until I was pregnant with the next child; my fifth longer, because she was my last. It was a beautiful thing for us and I would recommend it to all.
But, I haven't walked the road of "everyone" and can say that it is right for all. Sure, is brestfeeding good for the baby? Yes, but formula won't kill the baby. The world is not going to end if a mother chooses to feed her baby formula.
I think we all have more profitable things to do with our time than fight over this, and if someone delivers "hate" to another "sister" than it's that person's problem, and you just walk away; you aren't going to change her in that moment. And don't judge her, because we can't possibly know what she is dealing with in order to create such hostility.
Each mother should feel confident in their own decision about breastfeeding or not and if someone gives their opinion; just thank them and move on. If someone says "cover up" well then, cover up; no big deal. So that person doesn't want to see your boob or feels uncomfortable for some reason. Okay, that's fair; cover up and make that person feel more comfortable.
If we think of other people's feelings while we are out in public, we could all go about our own business with little "hate" directed at us.
I still can't believe "hate" was used in reference to women breastfeeding or not; shocking!
Go hug your babies or child; that's a more productive use of your time. Blessings.
It seems almost petulant to debate a fellow commentator considering the content of this post, so I'm just going to clarify a few things for Julie. Unfortunately, formula has killed babies. Formula doesn't = death carte blanche, but there have been cases of tainted formula in the very recent past.
And on the subject of covering up. I don't really see why someone else has a right to tell me to make myself and my child uncomfortable by covering up, because they are uncomfortable. Unless they are the ones breastfeeding, it's not really their business how and where it is done.
Great post Amy! I agree that we need to converse, but I also feel strongly that all of the negative speech about breastfeeding does great harm. I have plenty of friends and family who have formula fed and while I don't agree with their decision, I respect and I don't make negative comments about it. But people who make negative commments about breastfeeding are doing GREAT harm. There needs to be a better way to get the "conversation started" so to speak. Thanks for this wonderful post!!
-- Judy
I need to go through all the commments, but my issue is that each individual woman needs to feel confident and comfortable breastfeeding in public if they choose REGARDLESS of the opposition. Engaging the opposition in the manner I frequently see happening on Twitter just fuels their ignorant beliefs that we're all batshit crazy and NEED to be shamed in public. I don't see how this helps the cause. Tell them it's not okay, sure. Don't turn the other cheek - stand up for yourself and your beliefs, but you don't need to drag other groups of people into it.
Why is a discussion on nursing in public turning into formula vs. breastfeeding or bottlefeeder hate speech? WTF?
If I'm at a store breastfeeding and someone snubs their nose at me, snickers at me or God forbid makes a negative comment to me, I will handle it appropriately. I will not gather all my friends to surround this person, taking turns calling them rude names and bringing irrelevant arguments into the discussion. I MAY gather all my friends together to surround this person and nurse in front of him, however.
Well said Amy, I BF three children, my two oldest I BF for 21 months. My baby gave it up at a year. I even BF one of my friends babies because she got deathly ill afer delivery and had to stay in the hospital and because of her meds could not BF, we were both such huge proponents of BF that I took her baby home and BF for a week until she could do it herself, and then I had to drive him to the hospital 4 times a day so she could. I am all for breastfeeding. But I'm all for lots of things and like you I respect a womans right to choose what is best for her and her baby. If someone else chose not to BF or help her best friend BF then that his her choice.
I think some of the above comments comparing convictions about BF to racism is ridonculous! Seriously!! Lets get our lives in perspective ladies. Our babies are only babies for a short time, and if someone chooses not to BF or even bad mouths it for that reason, does not mean I need to get my feathers all ruffled and get crazy on them. I would just about bet they are still capable of being a good mother regardless of whether or not she BF. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you know what they say about those....
@Amy:
I am sure that formula feeding moms are capable of being good mothers. If anyone said they are not, I must have missed that.
The key point here is not even about whether breastfeeding is best or not. It is about the right of women who do chooes to breastfeed to do so without being harrassed or policed about HOW they choose to breastfeed.
Dying from tainted formula; a tragedy for certain, but no reason to say formula fed babies are "at risk." That simply is too extreme.
As to covering up; it seems people are so concerned about their "right" to do something. What good really comes out of confronting a person; nothing as I see it. And my guess, you would walk away feeling unfulfilled too, because it didn't solve anything. It just served to ignite something that seems foolish to fight over.
The only reason I am commenting at all is to give the perspective to "lighten up" and give other people some slack. I mean no disrespect; I want to encourage you to give others the freedom to make their own decisions and in doing that; you can enjoy your decision. If someone doesn't agree; well, then that's ok. It's right for you. No reason to jam it down someone's throat.
And, think of the impression you will make on the other person. If they attack you and you don't attack back; they will have nothing bad to say about you. You have acted admirably & maybe they may question their perspective. See what I am saying?
You will prove them wrong about any misconception they had about "your type." Whatever that is.
Best to you all.
Wow - I thought this post was well written and I totally got the point that you were trying to get across (though I must have missed the discussion on Twitter the other day about the other post). It's amazing to see the turn that some of the comments took in here!
As mothers, don't we really all just want the same thing? To feed and nurture our children, making sure that they grow up to lead happy and (hopefully) healthy lives? Every mother should have the right to decide how her child gets that nourishment (whether from the breast or bottle) and no one should bash her for her decision.
I am a die hard breast feeder... I think it is what is best for the child. We were given this ability for a reason IMO and should utilize it. That said, I was ready to give up after only six weeks because my nipples were cracked and bleeding, and I was in pain every time my son nursed. I stuck with it though and was able to nurse him until he was 14 mo and my milk dried up due to my current pregnancy. I can understand where some women get frustrated and give up. I also understand that bf'ing isn't for everyone, but I would never confront them about it. Just like I would hope that no one would ever confront me for choosing the option that I did.
As for the whole covering up in public debate... once again it is up to the mother to do what she feels is right for her. It is possible to nurse a child discreetly without covering up. I've seen teens and non-lactating women walking around exposing more breast than a non-covering nursing mom... is anyone going after them and telling them to put it away? Probably not.
Okay, maybe this is a cop out but in the business of saving time writing can I just say that I agree with Elita, Annie and The Accidental Pharmacist? Because if I were to write something out right now it would be a nice little combination of all of the above.
I have 2 kids. Tried my best with the first but had to go with formula because it turns out I have a supply issue. I knew this going into the second child so I was more prepared. Used herbs, formula, and he is still breastfeeding. You know what is crazy?!! I have been given more slack with the breastfeeding! People are constantly telling me to get him off the boob at 22 months. Hello? That is what they are made for. LOL As for covering up, sometimes I try but perhaps the person who made that comment has never had to cover a squirmy child before or maybe they were not breastfed. LOL
Here's my take. I respect the choices women make on all sides, BUT I reject the attitudes of our culture that banishes women to dusty broom closets or filthy toilets as places to feed their child.
Public breastfeeding is protected by law in the majority of states and when someone makes public comments about it in a negative way I will remind them that women have the right to feed their children anywhere and that they have the right to look away.
But after that friendly reminder, I usually ask them "why does it bother you?" and truly try to engage them in conversation about where their perceptions are coming from. As I see it, figuring out what makes them think "ew, gross" goes a long way to helping them change their minds.
My other issue is when I hear falsehoods about someones "ability to breastfeed" being perpetuated. I had EVERY SINGLE problem except under supply. And each issue could have been a booby trap but I was lucky. I had excellent support in my LLL groups and mommy friends, as well as an awesome OB and Pediatrician who helped me work out all of my issues. Having had good information and been successful, I have a hard time seeing false information and letting it stand.
But even then I try my best to use honey in my words instead of vinegar.
So I'm late coming to this discussion, but I agree that you have to choose your words carefully. Sometime last year, I witnessed a twitter fight over covering or not covering that ended in certain lactivists referring to others as "penis and vagina flavored." And really, if you call someone a douchebag over the Internet, are they really going to be open to listening to you? Even if you're right? How is that progress? Some people like to create controversy and they thrive off of it. Ignore them. Un-fed strays eventually go away.
An aquaintance of mine was abused by a female relative as a child, and is now in a relationship with another man. And he has been very open about the fact that seeing women nursing in public makes him uncomfortable. He knows he has a hang up and he knows a woman has a right to breastfeed in public, but he's got his own issue to get over. He knows a Bf woman is asking for understanding that she's just feeding her baby, but he's asking for understanding that he's dealing with his own demons. I think remembering that people who may have issues with BF are still human beings. And flaming them is neither appropriate or particularly helpful.
Breastfeeding and infant feeding is a human rights issue and women have a right to make an INFORMED DECISION to feed their babies as they feel best. All women deserve access to accurate information on infant feeding so they can then decide on their feeding plan. Our society needs to support women in their feeding decisions with policy and environmental support so they recieve accurate prenatal information, be supported in the hospital, have support when they return home, have paid maternity leave to feed and bond with their baby, be provided worksite lactation support- for those deciding to express milk, and have child care options that support their feeding decision.
Rather than fight with each other, we need to improve our institutions and policies to support our mothers and babies get off to a healthy start. The research shows when mothers and babies are supported, breastfeeding rates go up. Regardless, all mothers need to be respected for their decisions.
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What do you think? I'd love to know! A little housekeeping: Giveaways open to US residents only, except when noted at the end of the post. I'll email winners, but I need to hear back within 36 hours of when I send the email. Otherwise, a new winner will be chosen (sorry, no exceptions). =)